The results are all in... almost.

I talked to the nurse today. I don't know what's wrong with the lab that they are using, but it's driving me crazy. They sent all the results except for one. We are still waiting for the result of Factor V. My lupus test returned negative and my thyroid level was normal. So far, the only concern they have is the slightly elevated Protein C and Protein S. I feel like that's a good thing because there's not something incredibly alarming. But that leaves me wondering what the next step is. I have an appointment next Tuesday to sit down again with my OB and discuss the results and formulate a plan. I will have to google Factor V and see what I can find out, or at least write a list of questions.

I am struggling more than I thought I would. My baby would have been due on April 2nd. That day is approaching and I am finding myself sad about it. A girl in Premier Designs said that she is due to have a baby in October. My second baby would have been due in October as well. I am really excited when someone has wonderful news like this to share, but it makes me sad too. I have this battle going on inside me and I hate it. I keep telling myself that I don't have time to feel sorry for myself, but there are days that I just really want to cry. There are days that I am so sad, but I know that there is a reason for any trial. There is a reason for any struggle. There is a reason for everything. If there is one thing that I think I am gaining from this journey, it's patience. I had a plan for when I wanted to have my children and God is showing me that it's not my timing, but HIS.

I don't want every post on this blog to be sad. I had intended to share happy things with my friends. So, I am happy to announce that Hayden ate "Green Sticks" today. That's what I call cucumbers. OK, he only had about 5 bites, but it's a personal victory for me!!!! I'm winning the war against vegetable haters in my house!!

My new adventure...

I have made the decision to get out and meet people. I have lived here almost a year and have yet to gain any new friendships. I also decided that in this day and time making some extra money wouldn't be a bad idea. So with that decision made, I am going to start showing for Premier Designs Jewelry. Many people may have not heard of them. I hadn't until last month. They have so much to offer. I wasn't sure if it was for me, but the people are wonderful. The company is based out of Dallas and the jewelry is made right here in Texas! How's that for American made products? Another important aspect is that they put GOD first in their business and since their beginning, they have never been in debt. Hmm... maybe the government should take a lesson from them.

I never thought that I would do something like this, but I feel like it's the right decision. I am nervous about it all, but I am sure that once I get started and get more comfortable with it, I will feel much better. Hopefully, I can make some extra money for "fun" stuff and not just bills and groceries. Wouldn't that be nice? So, if anyone is interested in a party, I would be happy to come over... I gotta start somewhere!

Another Week to go...

The nurse from OB's office called today and said that she had a portion of the results available. She said that since so many tubes were drawn, they separated them into two different lot numbers. They claimed that they didn't have a purple top tube to send out for the remaining portion. That's because the TWO purple top tubes were in one lot number. She had to get on the phone with the manager and explain that they can simply remove one of those tubes from the sample and put it in with the other samples instead of having me come back for more blood to be drawn. DUH! Some people don't know how to make a decision without someone standing behind them doing the two-cheek shove.

Here's what I know (and it's not much): I know that my Factor II Prothrombin and Activated Protein C were normal. I also know that two of my lupus values were normal and that I have an elevated Protein S and Protein C. What I don't know are the thyroid values and the remaining lupus values as well as the other clotting factors. Those are on their way to Baltimore. It should take another week, providing the samples are still good at this point.

What that means is there is a possibility that I have a clotting disorder. At the very least it means daily baby aspirin during pregnancy. At the very worst, it means baby aspirin and either Heparin or some other blood thinner, although I can't remember the name.

I am trying to not get to discouraged, concerned or worried. I have these fears running through me now that go way beyond a pregnancy. I am concerned about the chance of clots. I am concerned that something might happen to me and Hayden and Craig are left alone. I don't want to be so selfish in my desire to have another child that I don't take anything else into consideration. There are people right here, right now that depend on me. Once the remaining results come in we will sit down with my doctor again and discuss all our options. So now we hurry up and wait some more.

What I Purchased last night.

Craig and I had a relaxing valentines. We went to see Gran Torino (great movie) and then went to Outback. My mom came over to keep Hayden for us. It was so nice to get out, just the two of us. Of couse, we talked about him a lot and even got him a book at Books-A-Million. Which, by the way, is the BEST book store EVER!

So, I got a new cookbook. For someone who doesn't really cook much, I sure love cookbooks. I don't know why that is, but I digress. So I heard about this book on Oprah. I admit that at times I watch her, but usually only when Dr. Oz is on. It was one of those episodes where I learned about this book. It's called Deceptively Delicious, by Jessica Seinfeld (supposedly she is being sued by another women claiming that she originally had this same idea in a book). Anyway, it's all about how to get your kids to eat their vegetables without fighting, yelling, pleading or forcing. But, I must confess, I really bought it for Craig. He hates vegetables and he agreed that if I got this book and tried the recipes, he would try to food. She purees the veggies and "hides" them in all sorts of meals. Squash in Mac and Cheese, Spinach in brownies (although, that really doesn't sound good), Cauliflower in chicken nuggets. She swears by these recipes and claims that her kids eat them all and she has never begged since. Only time will tell if I can pull one over on Craig. The true test will be green peas hidden in ANYTHING. He hates those things.

I don't even know his name

But a man in Tyler has eight, count 'em, eight vials of my blood. When he was counting out all the tubes (five blue, two purple, one orange), I asked him if I would be able to walk out, or if I would need a stretcher. Luckily he was able to get it all with one stick. At least it wasn't too painful.

They are testing me for everything from Thyroid, lupus and several anti-coagulation panels. I didn't even know that lupus was something to consider, but I guess we are covering all the bases. The results will not be available for at least a week. So now we hope and pray for patience as we wait.

Our Journey Begins

It has been over a week now since my second miscarriage, or as they call it, chemical pregnancy. Craig and I are doing better this time around for some reason. After doing some research online, I felt better about all the possible outcomes. I had found that it was possibly due to hormone levels. That seems like no big deal. Something that we can supplement and I would be fine.
So, when my doctor came in she hugged me and shook Criag's hand. She is that most warm, caring physician I have ever had. She is the reason that I continue to drive over an hour to her office instead of finding a doctor closer. When she delivered my son, SHE THANKED ME for letting HER be a part of that special moment in our lives. What doctor says that? I will never forget it.

She quickly sat down and started listening to me and answering my questions. I had written down all sorts of questions and, of course, I left the paper at home. She then laid out the options. Option one was to try again before proceeding with any testing. Her reasoning is that, statistically, I should have no problems with my next 5 pregnancies. Another options is that my uterus may have positional problem, but she didn't feel it was that because I already have a healthy child. She said that I can start progesterone as soon as I get a positive test and maybe that would help sustain the pregnancy. Maybe there have been chromosomal defects, but she didn't think it was that because, again, we have Hayden. And finally, she said that there was a possibility that I have a clotting disorder. That would be rare because of a previous birth, but it's possible for it to develop. If that's the case my body would clot off any starting pregnancy and remove it.

I informed her that I am the type of person that likes to be armed with as much information as possible. I don't want to take another chance on the hurt of losing another baby. So, I will now become a guinea pig. I will go in next week for testing. We opted to not do the Chromosome testing because of the cost (it's probably not covered by insurance) and since we already have Hayden. The testing results will take about two weeks and hopefully we will have some idea of what is going on. She did warn us of the possiblity that there is NOTHING wrong. Then it all comes down to we simply had a run of bad luck and if we got pregnant again, it would all be fine.
So, now I pray that God gives me peace and patience through this process. I pray for some answer. I told my doctor that if we did discover a problem and I can't carry another child, that we would adopt. I would still feel like my family was complete if we adopted. I would love to carry another child again, but if that's not in God's plan that maybe he will bless us with a child through someone else. Either way, a child is a blessing!

I do thank the Lord for this journey because I know that the process will teach me something and that it will make me stronger. I firmly believe that your past makes you who you are today. The journey may be difficult at the time, but in the end, it's worth the struggle.

Two Things

There are two things that tell me without a doubt that I am definately a Mom. First is the fact that I found Hayden's used (yes used) tissues stuffed back into the tissue box. That box has now become his very own stash. Thank goodness they are the anti-bacterial kind. Although, I don't know that the makers intended the user to contaminate the remaining tissues with his or her germs.

And second, I spent a better part of five minutes gathering up all the hot wheels that had been launched on the kitchen floor. What's so unusual about that? Well, I didn't have the case to put them in at the time, so I used my shirt like a giant kangaroo pouch. Thirty plus hot wheels get pretty heavy when you're carrying them in your shirt. Good thing this shirt only has blue berry, sweet potato and oatmeal stains on it.